I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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