I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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