i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
