get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
