I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
