What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
