You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
