i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
