If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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