Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
