I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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