Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
