I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
