it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
