You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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