I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
