I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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