Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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