id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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