i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
