Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
