True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
