i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
