i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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