you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
