I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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