Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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