If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
