We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
