Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
