when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
