i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
