if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
