I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
