Can i not drive my cunt home
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
