I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
