It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
