batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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