Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
