Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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