Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
