i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
