he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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