I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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