so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
