you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
