Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
