So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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