Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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