Barsexuality is the new black.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
