I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
