cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
