The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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