yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
