well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
